Laying

 

Death be my lover, life be my enemy.

 Noise be my betrayal, silence be my luster.

 Darkness be my happiness, light be my anguish.

Madness be my contempt, normal be my boring.

Kings of death, hold me hostage.

Knights of life bring me back.

Water of noise, washes over me.

Forests of silence reach for me.

The shadow of darkness laugh with me.

The light slaughters my happiness.

The fun of the madness is a temptress.

Fields of boring is where u find me laying.

Undoubtedly

Hold my breath, let me drown, let me sink.

Let the cold jagged arms of the darkness hold me.

Let these tears be my death.

Let the water consume my external skin.

Let my inner self be taken by the madness that resides inside me.

Let this be my last thought.

Let my life be shrouded in this darkness.

Let me be the hatter that has gone undoubtedly mad.

Exposed

The winds blow over the frozen wastelands. There is nothing but ruin for miles. The destruction runs deep into the ground showing the sky its layers that were never supposed to be seen. The redness of this heart is fresh, but all this destruction that It was dealt was all my doing. I wore my heart upon my sleeve, letting it get soaked in hot tomato soup, muddy from playing in the rain and burnt from playing with fire. Why do I leave my soul so exposed? I tear at the seams that are holding my heart captive upon my sleeve. Crying I rip it from the cloths fibers and throw it back into my chest cavity. I turn my ribs inward feeling the pain hearing the crack. But this is all for the best.

1) Most of my writings are dark and infused by some kind of pain, be it physical or mental. In the writing “cage of Darkness”, that was an overview of sorts over my life however the ending that I wrote is the complete opposite of what it really feels like. My stories and poems and sayings are amazing I think however I myself am much darker than that, I believe that if I wrote darker people would be concerned for me and not read the stories that I have sown together. I believe I will take that risk though.
2) Well lately I have been reading up on Paganism. It’s quite interesting if I may say. Maybe if I had the money for some of the things that are needed for it then maybe I would be happier. What am I saying, if I was happier who would be writing these funny stories. (some dark humor)
3) My friend (ex-friend) actually came up with the name if I remember correctly. I like the name it peeks the interest. I would want a lot of people to read it that would be great. I think that the people that read my blog are seeking some kind of vision or inspiration of sorts. Or they are just really bored. I would love it if my readers did comment on some of the things I post.
 4) I have noticed that I cannot write stories nearly as well as I can type them. I’m not sure what it is about actually writing them, maybe I’m too impatient and I think too fast for my pen. What is in my journal is very little. Small snippets of things that seem to be confusing or stupid. I probably will not journal. If anything I will type it.
5) From a page in my journal (this is the longest thing that is written in that spiral note book.):
Shrouded by the darkness that life has thrown at me,
Sitting face to face with death sipping on tea.
My head is too full and my body is too tired,
 My heart and eyes are the liars.
This life is meaningless I think,
All I must do is blink.
Maybe then it would be different,
But they all say life is brilliant.
I guess all I need is a switch,
I say, life is a royal bitch.
6) From my blog: Move on The sound of a screaming heart is more defining then the loudest siren. The pain that is beaten into the bones of this aching body is not even close to bearable, the eyes of passing people judging as always, knowing or not of who you are or what you have done is still like a knife to the heart. I guess I’ll just move on.
7) I plan to write more horror stories, hopefully. I’m not really sure how creative writing is different from writing any other story.
8) I appreciate every one that reads my blog. I will be writing more. Also, please comment your thoughts on my stories even if you hated it. Have a wonderful day. 

Imperfection

The darkness surrounded me as the cold snow kissed my cheeks and the wind bit at my motionless body. The silence of the world was defining, or was it silence? I could never tell anymore. Noise and silence were too similar to me these days.

The questions of my life, existence, happiness bond my heart with chains too heavy for my chest to hold. I couldn’t breathe as I looked out onto the hazy darkness that I call home. The bitterness is growing like a seed on steroids. It’s growing too fast. I believe that I’ll be lost before the age of twenty five, or am I already lost? Am I the black sheep in a cloud of white? Am I the default in society’s repulsive growth? Or am I the outcome of the dead chemical that society threw out?

Ah, it would seem I left you speechless, your shoes are full of the pain that flows here. You may not understand me nor my thinking or you may think that I am an attention seeking maggot but I do not control you nor what you think.

Happiness is a needle in the darkest forest and I try to reach it, to seek it. I find it sometimes but it would seem that the needle is a magical thing and likes to see you struggle.

Nevertheless, I will keep walking, ignoring society and all of its “perfects”. For I am the imperfection, the sickly dog that society has shot leaving the dead to claim. I smile and laugh but I still ignore and try and move on to find the needle that hides within the darkness.

101 things about me.

1. As good as I am art, I suck at painting.
2. I have never has a pet that I could call mine besides the neon fish that ate each other.
3. I love the suspense and the gore that comes with horror films and books.
4. The only movie that has ever really scared me was the possession of Michael King.
5. I would really like an Ouija board.
6. I cannot remember that many things from my past. Particularly my middle school and freshman year; however I still feel the emotional pain from the things that I know I have done and the things that I have blocked out of my mind.
7. I have depression and it has been getting worse but I can live with it. I’m not medicated but that’s ok, I’ll be fine.
8. I actually like singing even though I’m really bad at it.
9. I like writing stories but for some reason I cannot write nor draw anything happy.
10. My favorite colors are midnight blue and a deep red because the colors remind me of gothic and Victorian styles.
11. I don’t like relying on anybody or anything.
12. One time last year I wanted to build a pub/inn that looks exactly like the ones in Skyrim.
13. Skyrim is an RPG (role playing game) that I really like.
14. In the past couple of months I have had two boyfriends and one suitor of sorts.
15. I love warm smells but in spring when I’m cleaning I like the smell of the honeysuckle wax melt. 16. As much as I love teddy bears, I only have one.
17. I used to be able to sit down and read a book but now, I can never find a book that really interests me.
18. Death does not scare me, it is the way I may die that may scare me. Drowning, being buried alive, eaten, and caused undeniable pain and torment.
19. When I am dead, I would like to be cremated or if I am still young, put in a glass coffin above ground.
20. I don’t really like board games because I always lose.
21. I am starting to become quiet vulgar.
22. The bands that I really like are: Bring me the Horizon, Set it Off, Suicide silence, Falling in Reverse, Pierce the Veil, Of Mice and Men, Crown the Empire and We Came as Romans.
23. I think I like bears because they look soft and fluffy.
24. My favorite feeling in the world would be falling asleep in someone’s arms and knowing that everything is going to be ok.
25. My favorite kinds of tea is Earl Gray and English breakfast with sugar and honey.
26. I have never fallen asleep in school before, well that was before I entered Mr. Abromovites class. 27. When I was little I wanted to be many things, one of them (when I was about 8 or 9) was a ballerina. My dad told me no because I was too fat and big boned for that. When I was in close to turning 17 I wanted to be a mortician, but my dad said no and that there was something wrong with me because no 16 year old wants to be a mortician.
28. Fact: I loth my father greatly.
29. The way I think about myself is that I am ugly, fat, stupid, and annoying. This is because I have been told it so often for so long I started to believe it.
30. My favorite color is a red Camellia.
31. One day I want to live somewhere pretty.
32. When I was little my dad slammed a trunk door on my head and I have a scare from it.
33. When I am angry towards someone I am ice cold. I don’t care about their feelings nor their very existence.
34. I care too much about people and I put them above me and try to make them happy even though it hurts me.
35. If I go hunting, I want to hunt elk or moose.
36. I believe in aliens, the supernatural and magical creatures.
37. I don’t really like Halloween. I love Christmas though.
38. My mind is very dark.
39. Back when I was 14 or 15 or early 16, I used to drink. Now I won’t even touch it.
40. Ive never been to an actual party.
41. When I talk about myself I feel as if I am being self-centered, a know it all, stupid, pitying myself, makes other people think that I want attention and that’s why I don’t like talking about myself.
42. I can’t drown my demons they know how to swim.
43. My favorite kind of cake is carrot cake with cream cheese frosting.
44. I like ruby’s but I also like sapphires.
45. If I ever get married I want my ring to be simple with only one small diamond.
46. If I ever have a child I want a boy to be born first and then a girl. This is because the boy can protect the girl and if my husband and I die I would like my son to protect the girl even more.
47. Something that grosses me out is people can just lay on public floors without thinking of all of the germs and just ewe.
48. I like red plaid over blue plaid.
49. I like Italian, Hawaiian, Irish, English and some Japanese foods.
50. One time I had a spinach peanut butter smoothie. It was really good but it turned my teeth green. 51. Sometimes I’ll go hungry if I’m not at my house because I don’t want my breath to smell bad.
52. I really haven’t been to that many social events.
53. I got tired of wishing my life was like the characters off of shows and movies so I don’t really watch that much TV.
54. A couple of kid shows that I used to watch when I was little was Mr. Rogers (my favorite), Telly Tubbies, and the old Scooby Doo.
55. I really like tattoos, I might get one.
56. I used to jam out to the Jonas brothers when I was 13.
57. I think about a lot of things. Most of the time I over think.
58. “What doesn’t kill you makes you wish you were dead.” Is one of my favorite quotes.
59. When I say I’m fine or I’m alight, I’m probably not. When I say don’t worry about me, I it because I can deal with it.
60. I don’t like how chalk feels.
61. I prefer lamps over fan lights.
62. I like rustic cabins over modern day houses.
63. I like incorporating some sort of stitching in my stories.
64. One time I spent hours cutting out 82 small palm sized snowflakes.
65. I don’t think that I have ever liked elmo but I do like the counting vampire.
66. Sometimes I like watching British shows.
67. My favorite super hero is Ironman.
68. I have never had a gingerbread man cookie but I want to try one.
69. I prefer writing in black pen.
70. I get on pintrest to find recipes.
71. I like hoodies.
72. One time riley and I walked the mall for eight whole hours just talking.
73. I like old figurines.
74. I prefer dead leaves over alive leaves.
75. Most of my cloths consist of black.
76. I make really good pumpkin chocolate chip muffins.
77. I use three dots a lot when I text.
78. I refuse to eat pork.
79. I don’t like doing pottery.
80. I like walruses and the elephant seals.
81. I don’t really like the sun.
-Riley Laboyteaux said:
1. She likes to cuddle.
2. Personal time with someone is important to her.
3. Emotions are important to her.
4. She doesn’t like to talk to people.
5. I don’t like it when she is depressed.
6. I don’t like how she thinks about herself.
7. I don’t like her whole family.
8. I love her eyes.
9. I like her hair.
10. She tries to make people happy even when it hurts.
-Bland Landers said:
1. She loves kitty cats.
2. She likes gothic interior.
3. She likes watching scary movies.
4. She is super caring.
5. She loves the snow and snowflakes.
6. She used to live in a haunted house.
7. She loves blankets and books.
8. She wants to own a library someday.
9. She loves to decorate houses.
10. She hates swimming in large bodies of water.

move on

The sound of a screaming heart is more defining then the loudest siren. The pain that is beaten into the bones of this aching body is not even close to bearable, The eyes of passing people judging as always, knowing or not of who you are or what you have done is still like a knife to the heart. I guess I’ll just move on.